O Eternal One, You have explored my heart and know exactly who I am; You even know the small details like when I take a seat and when I stand up again. Even when I am far away, You know what I’m thinking. You observe my wanderings and my sleeping, my waking and my dreaming, and You know everything I do in more detail than even I know. You know what I’m going to say long before I say it. It is true, Eternal One, that You know everything and everyone. You have surrounded me on every side, behind me and before me, and You have placed Your hand gently on my shoulder. It is the most amazing feeling to know how deeply You know me, inside and out; the realization of it is so great that I cannot comprehend it. Can I go anywhere apart from Your Spirit? Is there anywhere I can go to escape Your watchful presence? For You shaped me, inside and out. You knitted me together in my mother’s womb long before I took my first breath. I will offer You my grateful heart, for I am Your unique creation, filled with wonder and awe. You have approached even the smallest details with excellence; Your works are wonderful; I carry this knowledge deep within my soul. You see all things; nothing about me was hidden from You As I took shape in secret, carefully crafted in the heart of the earth before I was born from its womb. You see all things; You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb; Every detail of my life was already written in Your book; You established the length of my life before I ever tasted the sweetness of it. Your thoughts and plans are treasures to me, O God! I cherish each and every one of them! How grand in scope! How many in number! If I could count each one of them, they would be more than all the grains of sand on earth. Their number is inconceivable! Even when I wake up, I am still near to You.
I place my hand in His to begin this lifelong journey. This is just the beginning of allowing Jesus to love me. As He spoke these words, “You are worthy of love. You are worth loving,” He has awakened me with the sound of His voice, His words penetrating the depths of my heart and melting away the lies of fear and shame.
Who is this one? Look at her now! She arises out of her desert, clinging to her beloved. When I awakened you under the apple tree, as you were feasting upon me, I awakened your innermost being with the travail of birth as you longed for more of me. 6 Fasten me upon your heart as a seal of fire forevermore. This living, consuming flame will seal you as my prisoner of love. My passion is stronger than the chains of death and the grave, all consuming as the very flashes of fire from the burning heart of God. Place this fierce, unrelenting fire over your entire being. 7 Rivers of pain and persecution will never extinguish this flame. Endless floods will be unable to quench this raging fire that burns within you. Everything will be consumed. It will stop at nothing as you yield everything to this furious fire until it won’t even seem to you like a sacrifice anymore. Song of Songs 8:5-7 (TPT)
For so long the cry of my heart has been, “Jesus, I love you!” Then one day He gently whispered these words to my heart, “Allow Me to love you.” All this time I never thought about allowing Him to love me. I assumed, as long as I love Him, that’s all that matters.
In that moment, He showed me how I had not opened my heart to receive His love for me. But, why? I did not believe I was worth loving. I did not believe I deserved His love. I assumed it was enough for me to love on Him but did not allow Him to love on me.
The beauty of His words have awakened my heart. Each time He speaks of His love for me, I am completely overwhelmed and undone by how He could love me so much.
Sit. Be still. Breathe. Breathe deep. Rest. Receive.
There was once a point in my walk when I was afraid to have a throne room encounter with God. I was still healing from a broken sense of identity at that time, so I was certain that an encounter with Him would “put me in my place.” Certainly, the presence of the flawless Eternal One would only confirm the sense of unworthiness I felt on the inside. Yet nothing could have been further from the truth. Continue reading “A Throne-Room Perspective”
Isaiah 53:5 (VOICE) But he was hurt because of us; he suffered so. Our wrongdoing wounded and crushed him. He endured the breaking that made us whole. The injuries he suffered became our healing.
By design, I operate in the gift of mercy. However, I admit that the person I find it hardest to have mercy on is myself. Other than God, I alone know the depth of my sin. I know my record. I cringe when I see that the thoughts of my heart do not align with the heart of God. Unfortunately, harboring unforgiveness and contempt towards myself is a practiced behavior. Continue reading “Worth the Price”