My Father’s Lap

I awaken to the sensation of tears on my pillow. I realize that I have been crying in my sleep again. The hurt and the pain are just too much. My heart is hurting and I can’t catch my breath. I start to hear their words echo in my head…”You were never there for me”, “I don’t love you anymore”, “What do you want now?”, “I’m busy” and “Why can’t you just be like normal people?”. The echoes cut me like a knife and I can’t help but to sob. I wonder what I’ve done wrong. Why did everyone leave me? Then I pray for You to make me a better person so people will love me and come back. Continue reading “My Father’s Lap”

Come to the Table

I awake in the morning to the sound of bird song. I sit up and look around the room You prepared for me. It’s warm and inviting and as the sunlight streams through my window I feel content but as I arise to start my day, I feel pain in my body, my mind and my heart…then I remember…the long battle. I try to shake the images of the battle from my mind but it doesn’t work and I start to panic. Then I hear You humming in the kitchen. The sound of Your humming is like the Balm of Gilead. It soothes my heart, my body and my soul. A gentle breeze of Your shalom touches me and I arise from my bed. Continue reading “Come to the Table”

My Masterpiece

I awake in the middle of the night to the sound of my Father’s pottery wheel.  I leave my bed and follow the sound to His workshop.  The smell of water and clay is a sweet aroma.  I see Him at the wheel praying over a piece of clay.  I walk over and watch His hands.  His hands are large and covered in clay and water.  He looks at me and smiles.  I ask Him what He is doing and He says, “Making a masterpiece.”  I watch as His hands work the clay and I begin to witness the making of a masterpiece.  He slowly forms the clay from the bottom up, never rushing.  With great care the vessel starts to form.  I watch as He removes pieces that will hinder the use of the vessel.  He begins to sing over the clay, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  You will be my masterpiece.”  Before I know it, I’m singing with Him.  As we sing, the vessel takes a beautiful shape and He delights in my excitement at the work of His hands.   Continue reading “My Masterpiece”

The Battlefield

The battle is fierce.  I look around and see all who have fallen, my heart melts with fear.  I hear Your voice on the battlefield telling us to be encouraged, to keep our eyes fixed on You.  You raise your gold shield to defend that which is Yours.  I run closer to You when something catches my attention.  I look away from You for just a second and I am pierced by an arrow of the enemy and I fall to the ground.  I try to get on my feet only to I fall back to the earth.  You look over Your shoulder and tell me, “Child, get back up!”  Again, I try to rise but the pain and the fear are unbearable.  I sink into back to the ground and sob, “I’m sorry Lord. I can’t.”  Continue reading “The Battlefield”

Needing Comfort

A day of deep sorrow. A day of troubles that linger as dusk settles. A day of many moments that nag and prick at my self confidence and identity. A day wanting to be forgotten as I weep and drag myself to my bed. An intense desire for comfort overwhelms me. A desire that my favorite food, my favorite book or show, not even my favorite person can provide. Continue reading “Needing Comfort”

Dry and Weary

The path felt so dry and weary. Day after day of battling old thought patterns, feelings of hopelessness, unbelief and grief over dead dreams. Pushing forward trying to dream again but failing to stir up joy, to fan the flame. Seeking the face of God and His comfort. Clinging to His truths while struggling to overcome the embedded lies. Continue reading “Dry and Weary”