Complete Surrender

I am startled out of a deep slumber by the sound of banging. At first I am afraid but then curiosity gets the best of me. I get out of bed and notice the whole house is so lifeless, old and dark. The only light is from the moon as it shines through the windows. There is little light to guide me as I make my way toward the sound that awoke me. I can see well enough to make out an open door at the end of the hall. As I approach the door I realize that’s where the banging is coming from. The room is completely empty. As I enter the room I can see a figure banging on the wall with bare hands like they are trying to break through.

I sense His presence with me and He tells me to take a closer look. I step closer to see who it is. As I look at the face I realize the figure is actually me. I appear catatonic and exhausted at the same time. I can see that my hands are bloody and raw from banging on the wall and I notice I am becoming weaker. I watch myself slowly give up and sink to the ground in defeat. My heart breaks at the sight and I run and kneel down in front of her but she cannot see me or hear me. I stand up and ask Him, “Please Abba! Help her! What does this mean?”

The Father walks over and takes my other self by the hand and lifts her to her feet. I can hear Him whispering to her, but I cannot make out what He is saying. I watch as He cradles her in His arms, and she sobs from pain and exhaustion. All I hear her say is, “Please forgive me. Please help me.” For the first time I am keenly aware that my flesh and my spirit are separate and I wonder how we are ever going to coexist. He hears my thoughts and gives me that all-knowing smile as He glances over at me.

He looks at me with such compassion and says, “This is you trying to complete this task on your own. You cannot do anything apart from Me my child.  You must not lean on your own understanding, but instead acknowledge Me, and I will get you through.” He looks at her and says, “I know you are frustrated, and I know you are tired, but you must trust that I know what’s best for you. My timing is perfect and so are my ways.”

“Will you please help her Lord?” I ask.

“My child, of course I will.” I watch Him walk her down the dark hallway back into the room I came from, and I can hear Him praying with her until she falls asleep.

He makes His way back to me and says, “Now, are you really ready to break out of here? Or do you want to stay?”

I reply, “Lord, I want to be free, but will she be alright?”

“She will join us soon enough.”

He takes me by my hand and leads me back to the wall. His face is set, but there is a twinkle in His eye that excites me. As He gives my hand a gentle squeeze He touches the wall with the tip of His finger and the wall collapses before us and we step into the fresh night air.

I am suddenly startled out of a deep slumber by a loud rumble. At first I am afraid, but then curiosity gets the best of me. I get out of bed and notice I am still in the same old lifeless place. For so long I have been here waiting to be set free. I have tried to break through the wall to no avail. Then I notice my hands have been bandaged up with tender care. I remembered my prayer, “Father, please help me. I have been trying to break out of here on my own. I can’t do it anymore. I am tired and weary. Please forgive me for trying to do this on my own. Please set me free.”

I remember Him cradling me and telling it was going to be okay. All I needed to do was surrender, and I would be set free. I shook my head because I thought it had to be a dream, but then I looked at my bandaged hands again and I had no explanation. I knew in that moment, it had to be Him.

I ran down the hall to the open room, and as I entered the room I saw the wall had fallen down and there was a light breeze. I was FREE! I didn’t have to stay in the same place anymore. I stepped out into the crisp night air and I saw Him and someone who looked like me. They smiled and looked over their shoulders at me and said, “We’ve been waiting for you.”