My Father’s Lap

I awaken to the sensation of tears on my pillow. I realize that I have been crying in my sleep again. The hurt and the pain are just too much. My heart is hurting and I can’t catch my breath. I start to hear their words echo in my head…”You were never there for me”, “I don’t love you anymore”, “What do you want now?”, “I’m busy” and “Why can’t you just be like normal people?”. The echoes cut me like a knife and I can’t help but to sob. I wonder what I’ve done wrong. Why did everyone leave me? Then I pray for You to make me a better person so people will love me and come back.

As I roll over in my bed I see a soft glow of light coming from another room. I get out of bed and follow the light down the hallway. As I enter the living room I see You sitting in a big comfy rocking chair and You are reading a book by a lit fireplace. I watch You intently until You look up and see me standing in the doorway. You look at me and smile. With tears rolling down my cheeks I ask, “How did You get here Abba? No one is supposed to be here. Everyone left.” “I’m not everyone my child. I’m Abba, besides you called for me just a minute ago while you were crying in your bed, so I came at once.” you reply.

You open Your arms to me and I start to sob again and run into Your arms. You pull me up on Your lap and hug me tight. You stroke my hair, kiss my head and rock me back and forth. You tell me, “There, there, my child. Everything is going to be alright. You are NEVER alone. I AM always here with you. You are never too little or too much…you are always just enough. I know words can hurt but it’s important for you refuse to allow the mere words of others diminish who I created you to be. I want you to hear what I have to say about you. Will you listen?” I sniff and nod yes.

You open Your book and start to read out loud to me…words of love and affirmation. As I lean back on Your chest, I listen to the sound of Your melodious voice as You tell me who I am through Your word. I can feel the heavy sadness start to lift from my heart as Your words speak to me. The sound of your voice is comforting and I find solace in that beautiful moment. As You read to me I find a place of contentment and finally fall peacefully asleep safe on Your lap. You set the book down and kiss me on the head and tell me, “Sweet dreams my child.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *